Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
