Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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