just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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