shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
