Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
false alarm, still single
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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