Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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