apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
