I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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