covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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