Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
did i just pee glitter
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
