I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
