She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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