put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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