Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
