pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
