those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
