Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
