I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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