I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
