my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize