the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
