bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
