We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize