NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
