The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
