the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
