I think my vagina is haunted
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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