Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize