I cockslap morals
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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