guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
