I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Randomize
