Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
