why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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