he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
