you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
