so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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