apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
