Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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