i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
