alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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