who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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