Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
