drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
