I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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