Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
