Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
