Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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