my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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