I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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