Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
is it fun? or sober?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
