What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
