I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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