so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
