the new term for farting is butt boxing.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
