even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
