porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
this is an emotional support booty call
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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