i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
