I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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