my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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