i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
