the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
