I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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