its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
