Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
