Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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