It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
