I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
