I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
