What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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