Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
