I wish I only lived at night.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
