Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize