I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
