just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
