he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize