It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
