If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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