i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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