Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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