ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
