The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
People in love make me want to vomit
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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